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If when stung by slander or ill-nature, we wax proud and swell with anger, it is proof that our gentleness and humility are unreal, and mere artificial show.
- St. Francis de Sales

Gentleness in Our Words

 

By Barbara H. Dwyer, Mother of Grace '20

 

When I was asked to write a reflection on this quote, I didn't know where to begin. We live in such a heated time. Slander and ill nature have become two of the heaviest realities of our human existence. After praying on this quote, I realized that this was a beautiful opportunity to reflect on the Salesian Little Virtues that are at the core of Georgetown Visitation's identity, especially the virtue of gentleness.

 

As human beings with free will endowed by our Creator, our words have incredible power. Words can be used as a way to lift someone up, evangelize our faith, communicate our thoughts and feelings, defend our principles and beliefs, and, conversely, they can be used as a weapon. As children, we first learn this on the school playground- "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." We learn on that playground however, that words do hurt. As a woman, it seems that it becomes more of a challenge in our adolescent and teenage years to rise above slanderous words or those who harbor anger towards us. It becomes increasingly difficult when we become parents and see our children go through the pain that words can cause- to see our children learn that words can cause heartache, disappointment, and pain.

 

I challenge the premise that words are our greatest weapon. Instead, I believe that our reaction to words is our greatest weapon. As St. Francis de Sales says, if "we wax proud or swell with anger," we are allowing those words to dictate our behavior and giving them power that they should not have. It is a delicate balance, because we need to learn to fight back and should always stand up for ourselves, but if we do so with gentleness, we always can rise above the slander or hate directed at us. Words are just words- they don't have power over us unless we give them power. Gentleness does not mean to be weak or to cower in the face of adversity; it means to have a loving strength and radiate another Salesian Little Virtue, joyful optimism.

 

It is difficult to remember that true gentleness can be shown in our reaction to the most trying situations. As the child of an elected official, I'll never forget the first time I encountered slander being thrown at my family as well as the first time someone judged my father and my family due to our political beliefs. Slander is ugly and vile. It was heartbreaking as a child, but my Dad's advice at the time and to this day has always been "kill them with kindness."

 

We here in the Metropolitan D.C. area live in a place where politics are at the forefront of every discussion. We should always remember that no matter another's political or religious beliefs, we are all children of God. We may have our differences, but throwing stones and casting judgement can distract from real discussions and truths. Stand up for your beliefs and stay strong, but do so with true righteousness and with love. Let us use our words to have real discussions on policy differences in the tradition of our great nation. Let us use our words to find our common ground. As President Ronald Reagan once said, "Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God."

 

To truly evangelize as Catholics, we have to find the humanity in those we wish to reach. In evangelization, gentleness is our greatest weapon. If we want others to know Christ, we have to love others first and find Christ in them. Our self worth is not dictated by others, we have to love ourselves as Christ loves us. When I think of the true example of gentleness, I can't help but think of our Blessed Mother. Mary is the true example of what it means to be a strong and yet gentle woman. St. Jane de Chantal is another example of true gentleness. She said, "Must you continue to bear your own cross? No matter which way God leads you, you change everything into bitterness by constantly brooding over everything. For the love of God, replace all this self-scrutiny with a pure and simple glance at God's goodness." Instead of brooding over the words and actions of others, simply look to the goodness of God.

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus 

(St. Margaret Mary Alacoque)

 O Heart of Love, I put all my trust in you.

For I fear all things from my own weakness, 

but I hope for all things from your goodness.

 

To contribute a reflection, email reflection@visi.org.
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Special thanks to Cecilia Kane '16 for the banner photo.